Monday, September 19th, 2011 |

I’ve been writing about how depressed and lonely I have been.  That is only part of it – my mind has been racing with thoughts about how unjustly I have been treated.  The blow-up at the case manager last week was really the last straw.  I can’t believe how many negative thoughts I have been having.  It is not just the last two weeks, but this has been going on since my case broke more than three years ago, that alone is a depressing thought!

I had an epiphany today.  Here I am in solitary confinement with no one to talk to except the occasional guard to ask for an extra milk at meal time.  This is like a silent retreat.  After all, I am in a bare cell alone reading a lot of spiritual and religious things, and I have been silent (though the guys from DC are still constantly making an ungodly amount of noise).  I would be paying a fortune on the outside to have the privilege of a silent retreat.

The point is that I need to re-frame this experience.  Savor the opportunity to be lost in good thoughts.  I have been practicing transcendental meditation since 1974 but I haven’t been meditating since I came to prison.  That changes today!  I will use my TM to re-frame my thoughts and re-center myself.  I can do it.  I’ve done it in the past and I can do it in here.